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An Introvert Goes to Star Wars

12/30/2019

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I saw Star Wars:  A New Hope at the drive-in theater when I was four.  I remember sitting on a tailgate of a pickup truck and staring at the screen.  I can't tell you if it was the vehicle I came in or just a random place to sit.  Things were simpler then.

Do I need to say this isn't my picture?

I saw The Empire Strikes back and Return of the Jedi in the theater when they came out, as every good, little nerd boy did.  It was actually a requirement stated on the back of my nerd boy membership card.  Some time after the word "geek" was stolen from the circus and used to describe fans, but I've always stuck with "nerd."
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​When The Phantom Menace came out I was so excited I played sick at work and left early to "go home and sleep this off" but instead went to the theater and saw it on the big screen.  It was a thrill, but all for all of the subsequent movies I waited until they came out on disc.  It wasn't that I didn't like them, it was just that my days of having to see things in the theater, paying high ticket costs and ludicrous food costs, were effectively cut short by my limited budget.

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But then here comes The Rise of Skywalker, effectively the end of the series, although you and I both know that Disney isn't letting this cash cow die.  I knew it was just a matter of time before someone ruined every aspect of the movie by picking it apart and stupidly arguing how they could have written it better (even though no one asked them to) so I decided I had to see it in the theater.  By myself.

(Well, I did ask a friend to come along, but that didn't work out, and I wasn't going to wait so I went.)

I don't need to explain at this point that I'm uncomfortable around people in the general sense.  Give me a shield (like work) and I can manage, but left to my own devices I tend to avoid groups, or people entirely save for those two poor, unfortunate souls who live with me and are obligated by marriage and birth to put up with me.

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I could do this in a narrative, but that would be painstakingly reliving the whole thing, so it's time to resort to bullet points.
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  1. ​I went online to buy a ticket before going in but upon realizing they charge an extra buck and a half on top of the ticket price to save you the trouble of human interaction I decided to suck it up and buy one at the theater.
  2. On getting to the theater, there was a line at the ticket counter, but then I realized all of the people in line were waiting to pull up their pre-paid tickets on the single kiosk so I was able to skip ahead and buy a ticket, briefly paranoid that the movie would be sold out and all of those smug bastards in line would laugh at me as I had to decide whether to leave or go see Jumanji or something.
  3. Jumanji, it turned out, was sold out, but Star Wars was not.  Ticket in hand, I skipped past the long line at the concession stand and proceeded to the theater.  Trouble was, the person who sold me the ticket didn't say which of the three the movie was in and went ahead and tore my ticket.  Since the theater was under construction, nothing was clearly marked.  I went against my nature (not by asking anyone, that would be silly) and followed the crowd, guessing that the Star Wars showtime of 3:30 made this theater more likely than the Jumanji showtime of 3:45, it being around 3:20 at this point.
  4. I found a row with seven seats, in which the two on the aisle were occupied.  Making my way awkwardly past those two (who were oddly clueless about how to get out of the way in this situation) I took the seat one away from the wall.  This left a comfortable cushion of three seats between me and the immovable couple and one from the wall so people might thing I'm expecting someone.
  5. A couple came in and, despite clearly knowing the couple on the end, sat in the two seats next to me.  The woman, whom I had the joy of sitting next to, thwapped me with her coat sleeve about seven times before finally managing to take it off.  Then the chatter began.
  6. I sat through the entire theater entertainment-while-you-wait section and the opening previews still unsure if I was in the right theater.  Then, I saw the Lucasfilm logo appear and I breathed a sigh of relief.
  7. Thankfully, the chatterboxes in my armpit stopped talking during the movie.  Mostly.  At one point, the woman guessed out loud who a masked character really was and I shot her such a look and shifted one seat over to be next to the wall that any future guesses were unheard by me.  I can only hope she was properly mortified but my guess is she was just happy for more elbow room.
  8. I got lost in the film.  Things got emotional.  I mean, I didn't cry or anything, but I was moved more than once nearly to that point.  I saw Carrie Fisher on screen and I was simultaneously overjoyed and heartbroken.  (I hear you, Chewie).  The fight scenes were intense, the drama was well done.  The climax was satisfying.  There was none of that lame, whiny, Young-Anakin-in-Love shit that made the prequel so hard to get through.  I loved it.  It was a beautiful ending.
  9. I sat through the credits, hoping pointlessly for an after-credits thing but also giving the theater time to clear out so I didn't have to do that weird cattle-walk that people do when they leave a crowded place.  I watched through to the very end and then I left.
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All things considered I had a good time.  I got to see the final film on the big screen, and that made all the irksome things worth it.  And now I have a gauge to use to judge the next time this situation comes up.  It had better be a damn good movie to make me want to go out again.
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