The Two Best Christmas Songs Ever

If you're expecting "Jingle Bells" or "The Little Drummer Boy", if you're ready to applaud "O Come All Ye Faithful" or "What Child Is This?", or if you're guessing that disturbing song about a grandmother dying or that emotionally manipulative tune about the shoes, then you're about to be disappointed.

If I was forced, at gunpoint (which seems very much against the spirit of the season, but there you have it), to choose the best Christmas song ever, I would have to risk the bullet and declare that the following two are equally perfect:

Slade - "Merry Christmas Everybody" - what better way to celebrate Christmas than with this epic tune that came out the year I was born.  The hair, the polyester, and the crowd dancing right up with the band - it's visual perfection.  The lyrics have it all, from fairy-enforced sobriety, rock and roll grannies, and pun-laden death by concussion.  And on top of all that, nothing brings in the season like Noddy Holder screaming, "It's Christmaaaaaaaaaaaas!"

Meco - "What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?" - What kind of Star Wars geek kid would I have been if I didn't have this record, where the quandary of what to get a Wookie for Christmas is dwelled upon on the opposite side of a record where children sing to R2-D2 how much they love him.  I was always more drawn to the Wookie song.  Can't imagine why.